Pursued by Him (Wanted Series #4) Page 6

  What the heck was I thinking? Or was I even?

  Maybe feeling was all I was doing. Feeling tired. Feeling overwhelmed. Feeling scared.

  What was I so afraid of?

  The way Wyatt made me feel? The fact that his very existence seemed to contradict everything I believed up to now, which was that male companionship was a total waste of time and energy?

  Unfortunately, my head had been ruling my heart for a long time now. As a result, it was easy to turn him down, easy to walk away from all he had to offer and all the good feelings he’d awakened in me since we met.

  In fact, it was too easy.

  It made me feel kind of dead inside. I mean, what kind of horrible bitch was I?

  Sure, I went to the hospital with him and sent flowers and liked to think I was a nice person. But did nice people let other people feel crazy for no reason?

  What must he be thinking right now? That I was bipolar? Maybe even a sociopath?

  I stood up and grabbed the Chinese on the coffee table and dumped what was left in the kitchen garbage. Did I really want to eat alone for the rest of my life?

  I’m not saying I thought Wyatt could be the answer to my problems, but they certainly seemed less overwhelming when he was around.

  But he said too much, way too much. And I couldn’t help but feel guilty. Cause it was all my fault.

  Instead of putting him at ease and admitting that I would actually love to see him again, that I’d been thinking about him every other second since I last saw him, I treated him like a stranger, like some random creep I wanted nothing to do with.

  And I felt horrible about it.

  He thought he might be able to love me? That Sophie might be able to love me, too? If it weren’t for that last admission, it would’ve been easy to convince myself that he was just like every other guy that would say whatever it took to get a girl in bed.

  But he wasn’t every other guy.

  He was talented and funny and sexy as hell.

  And he deserved better than what I could offer him. So did Sophie.

  I mean, shit. She was the only child of a single parent. If I had been lucky enough to have a parent at her age, I certainly wouldn’t have wanted someone coming out of nowhere and making me share their affection. Besides, if there was anything I remembered about being that age, it was that I blamed myself for everything.

  Sure, the adults in my life at the time let me do it, but if things didn’t work out with Wyatt, there was no way she wouldn’t be negatively affected. And while I had no doubt she was probably a total sweetheart, kids were like molasses as far as I was concerned- sticky and difficult to manage, no matter how sweet.

  But I still couldn’t stop thinking about what he said.

  Did he really believe that he could love me?

  I reached in the cabinet for some Tylenol Pm, thinking maybe it was best to just take a whole one and not worry about this again until I woke up at noon tomorrow. I scooped some water from the kitchen sink into my mouth, swallowed it, and exhaled when I was confident the pill was safely in my belly.

  What the hell did he see in me that would make him say something like that? Didn’t he get that I was a workaholic? That the corporate world was my first true love and that I wasn’t prepared to cheat on it with someone just because they looked positively sinful in blue jeans?

  Then again, perhaps I was just as confused as he was.

  Because despite being hungover, I totally nailed my meeting earlier. I don’t know if it was the idea of Chris’s little penis or the short break or the adrenaline coursing through me. But the fact of the matter was that I had done a great job presenting my case, arguing for the team I wanted, and supporting my proposed process for the project with solid data.

  And I hadn’t even crammed.

  Unless you counted cramming vodka down my throat the night before, which I didn’t.

  It was the first time I could ever remember not preparing for something in advance to the point of exhaustion and the first time I could ever remember having something on my mind besides career success leading up to a meeting. And yet I’d exceeded everyone’s expectations, especially my own.

  I didn’t know what to make of it.

  Was it a sign that maybe I could allow myself to have some semblance of a personal life without my job performance suffering? Or did I just get lucky?

  I flicked the kitchen light off and headed towards my room, unbuttoning my shirt as I walked barefoot down the hallway. Once inside, I threw my shirt on the end of the bed and went into the bathroom.

  When I saw myself in the mirror, I cocked my head and stared at the way I looked in my bra, my hair falling around my shoulders.

  Did I deserve to have somebody? Was it even possible? Or was the amazing sex I had with Wyatt just tricking me into humoring the idea?

  Could I have it all?

  I pulled a hair tie off the handle of my brush and put my hair up in a messy bun so I could wash my face.

  I didn’t want to hurt him.

  Lord knows he’d done nothing to hurt me. On the contrary, all he did was make me feel safe and entertained, which was a big ask considering what a fish out of water I’d been when I arrived at the cabin.

  And what had I given him in return?

  Just my body and a headache.

  But it had been a pleasure- the first part anyway.

  Ever since that first night when he overwhelmed me in the dark, I’d felt strange in my own skin. I was more aware of the different textures my body was made up of, more conscious of the parts that fell in the shadows.

  Could I really never kiss him again without missing it?

  I leaned forward and looked at my lips in the mirror. They looked like regular lips, albeit more freckly. But there was nothing exceptional about them. Still, I couldn’t shake the thought that when I was with him, they were special. In fact, when Wyatt was around, my lips felt more like a lock and his like a key.

  And I liked what happened when they fit together, when he smashed his lips against mine and opened me up with his tongue, flooding my body with a warm weakness that was unlike anything I’d ever felt before.

  Plus, as much as I wanted to, I didn’t think he was full of shit. I didn’t think he was jerking me around, that he would call if he didn’t want to see me for the right reasons. But it was ridiculous to think I knew him so well just because my body would sense him in a crowded room.

  I still had questions about who he was and who he’d been, questions he would probably be all too eager to answer if I asked him.

  Meanwhile, I hadn’t exactly been upfront. On the contrary, I’d been about as deceitful as possible.

  As a result, even if he thought he was falling for me, I knew the truth. He was only falling for who I’d pretended to be.

  Of course, for all I knew, I was so rude to him on the phone that we’d never have to have that difficult conversation about who I really was.

  Sure, he had a secret he’d been able to hide for a few days, but his secret was a sweet daughter with duckling fine hair and a passion for Disney Princess songs.

  My secrets weren’t as easy to swallow. Little Orphan Addy and her cigarette burns wasn’t exactly a heartwarming story I was excited to share, and while I knew it wasn’t fair for me to decide what Wyatt could and couldn’t handle, my resistance to discussing my past was a very real obstacle to my giving him or anyone a chance.

  So it was easier not to.

  But I knew what my boss would say. She’d say it’s lonely at the top. Forget him.

  And I knew what Holly would say. She’d say I was a fool not to see him again.

  Meanwhile, my doctor would probably tell me to pursue it for the sex at the very least.

  And Mrs. Collins, the person I trusted most in this world to give me selfless advice?

  She’d say that everything happens for a reason, that it was just a barbeque, and that I had to eat anyway, didn’t I?

  But I couldn’t make any decis
ions until I figured out what I wanted.

  And I couldn’t do that until I got some sleep.

  Chapter 13: Wyatt

  “Heard from her yet?” Austin asked, coming up behind me.

  I flipped a burger patty before looking over my shoulder. “Nope.”

  “I’m sure she’ll come, man.”

  “I’m trying not to dwell on it,” I said, wiping my forehead against the back of my hand. “The important thing is that Sophie is happy to be home.” I looked across the patio to where she and Gigi were making a hopscotch course.

  Austin put his hand on my shoulder. “Even if she doesn’t come today, I’m sure there’s a good reason.”

  I shrugged.

  “You’ll see her again.”

  “Can you pass me those hotdogs?” I asked. “Sophie won’t eat a burger. Will Gigi?”

  “Who knows? She was a vegetarian for two days last week. Might as well throw one on for her in case. Tell her it’s soy if she gives you any trouble.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “Where are the rest of the beers?” he asked. “I might chuck them in the cooler. Don’t want there to be so few Karen can count them.”

  “I’ll get ‘em,” I said, handing him the spatula and nodding towards the grill. “Try not to burn the ones on the back row.”

  Austin nodded. “Sure.”

  I was glad he asked for the beers cause I needed to step away for a moment and get a grip. After all, I should be happy. My little girl was home safe and back to her old self, and my family was over enjoying a nice, mild evening. Well, at least the family that lived nearby.

  But something was missing. And I knew what it was. It was that spark of excitement that was born when Addison came into my life. She’d shaken things up, and there was a tangible absence now that she’d gone.

  My parents were playing chess on a picnic table in the back as I passed. I’d suspected for years that my mom was actually much better than my Dad. She was the only family member he could beat at the game, though none of my siblings or I had ever managed to beat her and we could all put my dad into checkmate handily.

  It was just one of the many covetable things I’d noticed about my parent’s bond, and I knew it was the kind of thing I wanted someday. Not the blatant deceit and the molly coddling, of course, but the love behind my mom’s motives for letting my dad win sometimes.

  I walked through the house to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Austin was right. We were going through beers faster than I thought. I was just about to head to the garage when the doorbell rang.

  I swung the fridge door shut and looked towards the sound. Then I made my way towards the front door.

  Even through the blurry glass, I could tell it was her because of her hair.

  I took a deep breath and ran my hand over my head before pulling the door open.

  “Hi,” she said. She was wearing a short white sundress with a small jacket that was only big enough to cover her shoulders.

  “Hi,” I said, opening the door wider. “I’m glad you could make it.”

  She pursed her lips.

  “Come in,” I said, taking a step back.

  She stepped into the entry way and her eyes grazed the high ceiling.

  I leaned towards her and kissed her cheek, placing my hand on her waist and fighting the urge to pull her against me.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you. I just wasn’t sure I could make it until-”

  “It’s okay,” I said. “Everyone will be so pleased you came.”

  “Everyone?”

  “Just some family.”

  “Your family’s here?”

  “Only the family you met at the hospital.”

  Her face looked unsettled for a moment. “Here.” She shoved a sponge cake in a clear box at me.

  I hadn’t even noticed it until then. “Thanks,” I said. “You didn’t have any trouble finding the place, did you?”

  She narrowed her eyes at me. “Is that a joke?” she asked. “You know yours is the only house on this street, right?”

  “Yeah, but I didn’t know if you were familiar with the area.”

  “I’m not,” she said. “But it’s nice.”

  “Thanks.”

  “You’re obviously a much more gifted song writer than you let on.”

  My mind jumped to the thought of Marv opening my email and listening to the song I sent him this morning. I hoped he liked it. More importantly, I hoped the executive producers did. Because despite how quickly I wrote it, I was more proud of it than anything I’d worked on in a long time. And if it worked out, Sophie’s college tuition would be more than taken care of.

  “Wyatt- about the other day-”

  I raised my eyebrows.

  “When you called me.”

  I cocked my head. “What about it?”

  “I’m sorry I was-”

  I stepped around her and closed the door with my free hand.

  “Difficult.”

  “You don’t have to apologize.”

  “Yes I do,” she said. “I had no right to treat you that way, to send you mixed signals. It was unfair of me.”

  I looked back and forth between her bright eyes.

  “Especially when you were so upfront with me and-”

  “Addison.”

  She swallowed.

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “Really?”

  “Really,” I said, deciding it wasn’t the right time to ask her what the hell had gotten into her and make her promise not to jerk me around like that again. “I get that you have a crazy job and that your vacation got cut short unexpectedly. The last thing you probably needed was some guy hounding you-”

  “No,” she said. “I’m glad you did.”

  “Dad?” I turned around. Sophie was standing in the kitchen doorway looking at Addison. “Who’s that?”

  I smiled. “This is the woman who sent you the flowers.”

  “Oh!” Sophie walked across the room and stopped next to me. “Thank you very much. They were beautiful.”

  Addison smiled. “I’m glad you liked them. I thought they might brighten up the hospital for you.”

  “Well, that’s nice,” Sophie said. “But the hospital is already very bright. My dad says it’s cause they use special lights, but I think it’s because they paint everything so white.”

  Addison shifted her weight.

  “Anyway.” Sophie stuck out her hand. “It’s nice to meet you-”

  “Addison,” she said, shaking Sophie’s hand.

  “Addison,” Sophie repeated. “That’s interesting. I know a girl named Alison, but I never met an Addison before.” Sophie let go of Addison’s hand and turned around to look at me. “I thought you said she looked like Ariel.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “I thought you told me your new friend looked like Ariel in The Little Mermaid,” she said. “But she has too many freckles. She looks more like the girl in Brave. What’s her name? It’s something even weirder than Addison.”

  I dropped to my knees, setting the cake down and pushing Sophie’s thin hair behind her ear. “You remember that?” I asked. “You remember me saying she looked like Ariel?”

  “Should I not?” she asked. “Did I imagine that? My camp counselor Ashley said I have a very active imagination-”

  I pulled her to me and hugged her, grateful that no one could see my eyes watering. “No, I did say it. I just didn’t think you’d remember,” I said. “I didn’t think you could hear me.” I leaned back onto my heels and Sophie stepped back, looking at me like I was nuts and embarrassing her in front of our guest.

  She raised her eyebrows at Addison. “Are you coming outside?”

  Addison nodded. “Sure.”

  Sophie bent her knees, picked up the cake, and looked at me.

  “We’ll be out in a few minutes,” I said, rising to my feet and watching her leave.

  “Are you okay?” Addison asked.

  I sho
ok my head. “I didn’t think she could hear me.” I inhaled. “In the hospital, I was just talking about anything and everything so she would know I was there, but she was in a coma when I said that about you.”

  She furrowed her brows. “You told her about me when she was in a coma?”

  I shook my head. “I only said I met a pretty woman who looked like Ariel and that maybe she could meet you sometime. I didn’t necessarily think it would happen or that she would remember-”

  Addison laid a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sure she hears a lot more than she lets on.”

  I felt my chest loosen at her touch. “I’m glad you’re here, anyway,” I said. “It’s good to see you.”

  “It’s good to see you, too,” she said. “Even if you think I look like a cartoon.”

  “Hey,” I said. “I’ll have you know Ariel isn’t just any cartoon.”

  She squinted at me. “Oh really?”

  I nodded. “For your information, she’s the nicest, most down to Earth Princess of all.”

  “Well, I suppose that does make her special.”

  “And she’s ambitious to a fault,” I said. “But that isn’t the only thing you have in common.”

  “No?” She raised her eyebrows. “What else do we have in common?”

  I smiled. “You both look great half naked.”

  Chapter 14: Addison

  I felt a surge of warmth in my cheeks.

  Was Sophie still in the house? Had she heard Wyatt flirting with me? Would she give a shit if she had?

  Who knows?

  All I knew was that even though I’d hauled my ass all the way out there under the assumption that his whole freaking family wouldn’t be over, I couldn’t exactly back out now.

  Not that I wanted to.

  On the contrary, it was good to see him. Sure, I missed the way he looked when he was a little bit sweaty and dirty, but he cleaned up nice. And even though I wanted to be totally turned off by Sophie’s existence, I wasn’t really.

  If anything, Wyatt was arguably hotter now that I knew he was more than just an attractive man. He was a parent, a protector. He was the kind of guy I could feel safe with.

  And my whole body knew it.

  But I still couldn’t relax.