Pursued by Him (Wanted Series #4) Page 5

  “Well, thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  I pursed my lips. “You seemed happy to drop everything when you were staying in the cabin.”

  “That was then.”

  “And what’s changed? Besides your geographic location?”

  “My priorities.”

  “That’s bull.”

  “Excuse me? What happened to your speech about the merits of honesty?”

  “You’re not being honest right now.”

  “Yes I am.”

  “Let me get this straight. Are you saying you don’t want to see me again?”

  “It’s not that I don’t want to see you again-”

  “So what is it?” I asked, squinting at a blackened gum spot on the cement.

  “I just want to make sure we’re on the same page-”

  “Oh please-”

  “What?”

  “Don’t use your corporate clichés with me. I’m not some fragile yes man that you have to let down easy.”

  “I’m not letting you down.”

  “What are you doing then?”

  “I’m telling you not to get your hopes up.”

  “What’s gotten into you? And what makes you think I’ve got my hopes up? All I want to do is feed you and fuck you and argue like this in person. And I don’t believe for one second that isn’t what you want too.”

  “Wyatt.”

  I raised my eyebrows.

  “Don’t be upset.”

  “Why did you send those flowers? Why give me your number if you didn’t want me to call?”

  “I thought it might help if we had some closure.”

  “Closure? What are you talking about?”

  “I don’t know. I just thought the last few days were kind of intense, and it didn’t seem right that we didn’t get a chance to say goodbye properly-”

  “Finally we agree on something.”

  “Good.”

  “Except I don’t want to say goodbye.”

  “What is it that you want to say then?”

  I clenched my jaw. Why was I putting myself through this? Had I already forgotten how much this woman did my head in? Honestly, I was ready to put my fist through a wall.

  “Why did you even call?”

  “I called cause I’m sick of missing you,” I said. “And now that I know you, I don’t want to go back to not knowing you.”

  Chapter 10: Addison

  I wrapped my palm around my forehead.

  Fuck. I liked this guy. I liked this guy that was wrong for me in so many ways. I could tell because it hurt me to hurt him.

  It hurt to pretend I wasn’t dying to see him again and that I wasn’t wishing we could go back to before…

  But before it was all just fun. None of it was complicated by my job and his daughter and the fact that being with him was the opposite of being in control, which had been my top priority for as long as I could remember.

  I leaned back against the couch cushions and looked at the coffee table in front of me. My Chinese takeout had assumed a glazed look that was no longer appetizing and my work clothes were strewn around the apartment.

  What would Wyatt really think of dating the real me?

  I mean, he didn’t even know me. He knew this phantom version of me that stayed at cabins in the woods and picnicked and read chick lit. He didn’t know the real me. He didn’t know that I was an orphan, that I’d never been enough for anyone before and found it impossible to believe I could ever be enough for him, much less his little girl.

  And I didn’t mean to be presumptuous, but it was clear I could never be his number one, though maybe that was for the best. After all, I’d never wanted to be someone’s number one, never believed it was possible. Maybe I’d shine in a situation where I could be a solid number two…

  But where did he get off thinking he wanted to date me? I didn’t even know what I was like to date. I never went out with anyone more than twice and just because he was the first person who might be worth the trouble didn’t mean anything.

  I would only let him down.

  And I hated letting people down. I’d been doing it since birth, and I was sick of it. For all I knew, my mother took one look at me, scrunched her nose, and gave me away seconds later. And if she couldn’t love me as a newborn baby, why would anyone love me as a hard-headed, selfish adult?

  Not that I thought he was out to love me.

  Though if it was a genuine emotion, I had every reason to suspect that it was one he was capable of feeling. Just the expression on his face when he spoke about Sophie was enough to convince me that I had seriously underestimated his capacity for emotional depth.

  But surely his love for her was enough.

  He didn’t need me for that. In which case, maybe it was just about sex.

  And I did want that. Especially with him.

  I mean, ever since he showed up and pulled my underwear around my knees, sex actually seemed worthwhile.

  I put my hand over my chest. “I had fun with you, too.”

  “Should I call back another time?” he asked. “Cause your tone of voice right now is really freaking me out.”

  “I’m not trying to freak you out.”

  “You sound like you’re breaking up with me or something, but that would be impossible because there’s nothing between us to break.”

  “I just don’t want to lead you on.”

  “Lead me on?”

  “Yeah. You know, make you think there’s more to this than there is.”

  “It’s too late for that,” he said. “You’ve done nothing but lead me on since the second I laid eyes on you.”

  “Well, I didn’t mean to.”

  “Yes you did, and I don’t know why you’re saying this stuff to me now-”

  “Cause it’s the right thing to do.”

  “According to who, Addison? You already blew your cover when you melted in my mouth. Don’t pretend you don’t want to have a night like that again.”

  “Of course I want to have a night like that again. Any woman would.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  “You should,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean we should turn our worlds upside down when we might end up spoiling a good thing.”

  “That doesn’t even make sense. Why are you being so difficult?”

  I felt like I was outside myself, watching my own self-sabotage. “Because I think the sooner we end this, the less difficult it will be for everyone.”

  “This is so crazy. Are you telling me you don’t have feelings for me? That the time we spent together over the last few days didn’t mean anything to you?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Cause I’ve been with a lot of women, Addison. And I don’t know how much dating you’ve done, but trust me, what we had- what we have-”

  I swallowed.

  “It’s not that easy to find. We owe it to ourselves to look into it.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. Fuck. Because life is too short to drink alone. Because the sun is going to set seven times next week, and I know every single sunset would be more beautiful if I were with you. Because I can write again for the first time in years because of how you make me feel, because of how you make music bubble up inside me.”

  It was the most romantic thing anyone had ever said to me. And the kindest, too. And for a moment, I felt myself thaw a little, felt my closed throat open up so I could breathe better.

  “I’m not trying to freak you out either, okay? I’m not saying I’m in love with you and that I’m going to jump off Brooklyn Bridge if you won’t see me, but I think I could fucking love you. In time. And I think maybe my little girl could, too. So I can’t give up on this. Not when I know there’s more to it- and more to you than you’re letting on.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Yes I do,” he said. “You want me to think you’re cold and indifferent, that you don’t care about anything but your
job and that when it comes to mind blowing sex, you can’t take it or leave it. But I don’t buy any of it. Not one fucking bit. I think you’re sweet and underappreciated and a total fucking goddess, and I can’t stand the idea that another guy might be ahead of me in line to take you out.”

  “Are you sure you’re not just exhausted?” I asked, desperate for him to stop saying these things, to stop confusing me. “You’ve been cooped up in the hospital for days now and-”

  “You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t know exactly how many hours I’ve spent thinking about this stuff, thinking about what I would say to you if I could only find you again, if I could only get you on the phone? Trust me, if I didn’t know you were special, I wouldn’t have wasted a thought on you since that first night we spent together, and I wouldn’t have cared that you left the hospital without saying goodbye. But that’s not the case. And I know you’ve thought about me, too, because you fucking came here and you sent my little girl flowers so don’t bullshit me and tell me you don’t care.”

  “I do care, Wyatt. I do. And that’s exactly why I need to think about whether seeing you again is a good idea. For both of us.”

  “I get that you’re busy but why do you always make things so difficult?”

  “I don’t.”

  “Yes you do.”

  “Calm down. You sound out of breath.”

  “Fuck me- I am out of breath. I’ve been out of breath for four days,” he said. “All I’m trying to say is let’s just start over.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ll just hang up and call you back.”

  “What?”

  “And I’ll tell you it’s me, and you’ll be happy to hear from me, and you’ll agree to meet me for dinner and a drink sometime soon. Then we can both go back to our lives with something to look forward to.”

  “I wish I could,” I said. “But I have to go. I’m so glad Sophie’s okay, though, and-”

  “Don’t do this, Addison.”

  “I’ll keep you both in my thoughts during her recovery.”

  “This isn’t over.”

  “Goodbye Wyatt,” I said. “It was a pleasure meeting you.”

  Chapter 11: Wyatt

  “Wait!” I said. “Don’t hang up.”

  “Yes?”

  “Before you go, I wanted to ask you something.”

  “Okay.”

  I pursed my lips. “It’s actually the reason I called.”

  “I’m listening.”

  I almost didn’t want to ask. I knew as soon as I did, as soon as she answered me, I wouldn’t have another excuse to call, another excuse to hear her voice.

  “Wyatt?”

  “I was wondering if you might like to swing by the house on Sunday night?” I squeezed my eyes shut.

  “Your house?”

  “Yeah, Sophie wants me to barbeque to celebrate her coming home.”

  “They’re releasing her?”

  “Yeah, I’m not sure when. They said Sunday morning at the latest.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “I thought it might be nice for you to have a chance to meet her. You know, so she could know who sent her the flowers.”

  “Right.”

  “If you can’t make it, I’m sure I can think of an excuse to tell her, but I thought it might be nice if you-”

  “Do you mind if I think about it?”

  “Of course not,” I lied. “I’ll text you my address and if you can stop by, great, and if not-”

  “If not what?”

  “If not I guess I have no choice but to respect your wishes and leave you alone.”

  “You’re making me sound like some kind of monster.”

  “I don’t think you’re a monster,” I said. “Maybe a tease but-”

  “A tease?!” she said. “I think that’s a little unfair.”

  “Is it?” I asked. “Cause you’ve done nothing but drive me crazy since I met you and then today you send me your number and act like you wish I hadn’t called.”

  “It’s not that I wish you hadn’t called,” she said. “It’s good to hear your voice. It’s-”

  “It’s what?”

  “It’s just complicated.”

  “It’s because I’m a father, isn’t it?”

  “No.”

  “Don’t bullshit me, Addison. I wasn’t born yesterday. It’s obvious.” I shook my head and lowered my voice when I noticed two nurses chatting between cars in the lot. “You were totally into me until you found out I had a daughter.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Which part?”

  She sighed. “The last part. Sophie has nothing to do with it.”

  “Really? Cause I’m the same guy you met the other day. Her existence is the only thing that’s changed.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me about her?”

  “Because she’s not for show and tell. She’s my kid.”

  “So when would you have mentioned her? If all this hadn’t happened.”

  I shrugged. “I guess it depends.”

  “On what?”

  “How things went with us.”

  “I see.”

  “Look, Addison. My life may be more complicated than other guys because I have a child, but I’m not going to apologize for her.”

  “I’m not asking you to-”

  “And I know you have no reason to believe me, but you’re the first person I’ve taken on a second date in years.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “So rest assured, if I wasn’t crazy about you, I wouldn’t be calling you right now. Or ever.”

  “Well, I’m glad you felt something but that doesn’t mean I-”

  “Don’t fucking say you didn’t feel anything. Your body betrayed you too many times. So don’t throw this away for no good reason.”

  “I’m not throwing anything away, Wyatt. It’s just that some things are meant to end and-”

  “You think this is one of them?”

  Silence.

  I shook my head. “Can I say one last thing?”

  “Yeah.”

  “This is only my opinion, but here it is.” I looked back down at the gum smudge by my feet. “You deserve better than what you’re allowing yourself to have.”

  “You don’t know what I deserve.”

  “I know you deserve to be with someone who recognizes how clever and charming and beautiful you are.”

  “Well that’s very sweet but-”

  “And I don’t know what you’re so afraid of, but I hope you can get over it-”

  “I’m not afraid.”

  “Yes you are. Everyone’s afraid of something, and you’re obviously afraid to get close to people.”

  “With all due respect, Wyatt, you don’t know me.”

  “I know the second someone tries to get to know you, you shrink inside yourself like a turtle.”

  “That’s just your theory.”

  I blew some air out between my lips. “Okay, Addison. Fine. If you want this thing between us to be nothing but a memory, I respect that, but I hope you’ll consider coming by on Sunday, anyway.” Cause I know you want me back. I felt the evidence all over my dick. ”For closure.”

  “Okay, well, thanks for calling. I’m glad Sophie is doing better.”

  “I’ll text you the address.”

  “I don’t know if I can make it.”

  “I look forward to seeing you.”

  “Don’t do that, Wyatt. Don’t pressure me-”

  “Don’t try to control this situation. It’s already out of control. We already have feelings for each other. So let me grill a fucking burger for you, and don’t make such a big drama out of it.”

  “I have to go.”

  “Addison.”

  “What?”

  “Sweet dreams.”

  I hung up the phone and stared at it. Maybe I shouldn’t have put myself out there like that. I wouldn’t normally be that open, but she was so difficult, and I didn’t know h
ow to get through to her.

  What happened in the last twenty four hours that made her change her mind so drastically?

  I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees. I felt like I’d just run a marathon.

  Did she really have so little time for fun? So little time for good company that wasn’t relevant to her career advancement?

  Maybe she was right. Maybe she wasn’t the woman for me. But something was telling me she was worth the trouble, and that if I didn’t do everything I could to try and see her again, I’d be walking away from something good, something I shouldn’t walk away from, something I’d been looking for for a long time.

  But I still didn’t understand why she put me in that position. Was she on some sort of power trip? I shouldn’t have had to try so hard to convince her to see me again, not after the fun we’d had the last few days.

  Maybe it was her control issues. Maybe she couldn’t forgive me for having such a big secret. But surely she had secrets of her own. She must’ve. Every time she spoke I felt like I had to read between the lines, like there was invisible ink drying between her sentences.

  Was it possible that her life was really so demanding that she didn’t have time to date? Time to give people a chance?

  It was a difficult concept to wrap my head around, especially considering the fact that dating was at the top of most women’s priority lists, or at least most of the women I’d met.

  Of course, she did have an advantage being on the phone. In person, I knew from experience that she wasn’t very well able to resist me. In fact, I couldn’t think of a single thing I’d tried to convince her to do with me over the last few days that she’d refused to try. So obviously the distance between us gave her some false strength that helped her feign that frustrating aloofness.

  Frankly, she was lucky she wasn’t beside me right now cause I was so frustrated I would’ve had no choice but to tear her panties right off her and remind her what we had with my dick. And once again, the thought of having her made my groin ache, and I realized not seeing her again would be much more difficult than I let on.

  I punched my address into the phone and pressed send.

  Maybe she would come after all.

  Chapter 12: Addison

  Shit.