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  “I’ll keep yours if you keep mine.”

  I cocked my head. “Pardon?”

  “You can trust me,” she said, glancing at the kitchen doorway. “The rest of them are thick as thieves, but if you want a secret kept from the Masons, I’m your girl.”

  Had I missed something? “I’m afraid I don’t have any juicy secrets to tell you.”

  She shook her head, tutting towards the plate she was rinsing. “Play it that way, if you want, but I thought you’d be relieved to have someone to talk to.”

  I pulled the drawer hiding the garbage can farther out and took over plate-scraping duty. “About what?”

  “About the fact that you’re crazy about Maeve, and she’s about to get knocked up by some other guy.”

  I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stiffen but tried not to let my frustration show in my face. “It’s not like he’s doing the knocking up,” I said, as if that was any consolation.

  She took an empty plate from me. “Does she know how you feel?”

  “Do you?” I asked, half seriously.

  She shrugged. “Fair point. Forget I said anything. It’s really none of my business.”

  No shit.

  “It’s just—”

  Oh, here we go.

  “I’ve known Maeve a long time.”

  I felt an and coming on.

  “And I’ve never seen her so comfortable around anyone. Not a man, anyway. I mean, she’s used to James and Quinn, but I’ve never seen her…emote like that.”

  I bit my tongue, hoping she would elaborate.

  “That was by far the most public display of affection I’ve ever seen her engage in, and she did it so naturally.”

  “What’s your point?”

  “My point is,” she said, turning towards me. “If you don’t love her, I think you should fuck off out of her life before you hurt her.”

  I couldn’t help but be taken aback by her shift in tone. “I’m not going to hurt her.”

  “No? What are you going to do then? Keep seeing her while she makes a baby all by herself? Like I said, it’s none of my business, but for her sake, I think you should shit or get off the pot.”

  My neck retracted. “Jesus, tell me how you really feel.”

  “I asked you first,” she said, planting a hand on her hip. “Do you love her?”

  “With all due respect…” Who the fuck do you think you are?

  “Oh please. I slaved over that yummy dinner, and you can’t answer a simple question?”

  “You said it was all store bought?”

  “Did I say ‘slaved’? I meant ‘served,’” she said. “Don’t be pedantic.”

  I glanced over at the door to make sure no one was eavesdropping. “Did James put you up to this?”

  She recoiled like she was offended by the question.

  “I’m not going to hurt her, okay? I came here to support her tonight because she asked me to.”

  “What a hero,” she said sarcastically. “You going to raise the Bostonian’s baby, too? Or do you only get off on so much vulnerability, and then once it passes a certain point—”

  “What the hell, Brie? I’ve only known you for a few hours. Do you not believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt?”

  “No,” she said, taking another scraped plate from me. “I used to, but… Anyway, I’m just trying to figure out what’s in it for you.”

  “I care about her,” I said. “That’s what’s in it for me. I care about her, and I want to see her happy.”

  “She’s happy with you, Finn. Your company makes her happy.”

  “It’s mutual.”

  “How long are you going to care about her?”

  Confusion crumpled my expression. “You mean how long since I started caring?”

  “No, I meant what I said. How long are you going to care about her?”

  “Now who’s being pedantic?” I joked, trying to guess how long it had been since she blinked. “Why do you ask?”

  “Because the L word freaked you out.”

  “It didn’t freak me out,” I said, watching her rinse a handful of butter knives under the tap.

  She dropped them in the dishwasher tray and rinsed her hands once more before flicking off the faucet. “Look, the reason I ask is because it doesn’t matter, for example, how long I’ve loved James. What matters is how long I’m going to love him.”

  Let me guess. “Forever?”

  “Bingo,” she said. “So no matter what’s going on in my life, I always have that in the back of my mind.”

  “That’s really sweet, Brie, but—”

  “That’s why I asked,” she said, kicking the dishwasher lid up so she could close it. “Because if there’s any part of you that thinks you might love Maeve forever, you need to tell her.”

  “I don’t see how that would change anything for the better.”

  “Then you’re not as smart as you look,” she said, folding her arms and leaning a hip against the counter.

  “I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t.”

  I swallowed, frustrated that a total stranger was forcing me to defend myself. “She wants this,” I said, extending a palm towards the other room. “You can see how much she wants this.”

  “All I can see is how much you want each other.”

  I clenched jaw. “You’re seeing things.”

  “I’m not the blind one here,” she said. “If you don’t love her, fine. But if you do, please tell her.”

  Truth was, I didn’t know if I loved her. Didn’t even see the point in thinking about it. It was Daniel’s baby she wanted. Surely that was proof that what we had wasn’t forever. “She bought another man’s sperm.”

  “I know,” she said. “And I can only imagine how much that hurts.”

  I hated her for guessing that. Because it did hurt. And it was much harder to pretend it didn’t when she was rubbing it in my face.

  “But it’s not too late,” she said, her small hand touching my shoulder. “You can still be the hero here if you want. For real. Instead of just for the night.”

  “Sorry to disappoint, Brie, but I’m no hero.”

  “Don’t you get it?” she asked. “It’s not me you’re disappointing.”

  F O R T Y T H R E E

  - Maeve -

  The first thing I saw when I entered the kitchen was the sobering expression on Brie’s face. “You guys need a hand with anything?”

  Finn looked spooked when he turned around, his face unusually pale.

  “No,” she said, smiling sweetly. “Got the dishes done in record time thanks to this guy.” She pointed a thumb at Finn. “Is everyone still good for drinks?”

  I nodded and wondered if I was imagining the tension in the room. “You sure you’re alright?” I asked, trying to read Finn’s shifty gaze. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  “Not at all,” Brie said, waving my concern away. “I was just asking Finn if he ever wanted kids.”

  No wonder he looked ill. “Finn already has kids,” I said. “The best kind you could hope for.”

  His chest relaxed visibly, but part of me regretted butting in.

  Confusion shrouded Brie’s face. “What do you mean?”

  “I teach guitar lessons at the Y by my house,” he said, glancing my way. “I think that’s what Maeve’s referring to.”

  I don’t know why he looked so miserable. I thought he’d be grateful I gave him such an easy out.

  “So you like kids?” she asked.

  “Leave him alone,” I said, unconvinced by her feigned innocence. “He didn’t come here to get the third degree from you.”

  “My bad,” she said, raising her palms as she drifted by. “Seemed like a natural question in light of your happy news.”

  Poor Finn. He probably came in here to get a break from my brother’s watchful gaze only to get grilled at c
lose quarters. “Do you regret coming?” I asked, walking over to him as soon as she left the room. “I bet a night at the bar would’ve been a lot more relaxing for you.”

  “Of course not,” he said, slipping his hands over my hips. “It’s been great meeting everyone.”

  I searched his blue eyes, relieved to see them sparkling with sincerity.

  “And dinner was delicious.”

  “Glad you enjoyed it. Pretty sure most of it came from Mariano’s, so you can have it again anytime you like.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, lowering his voice. “I’ve been sworn to secrecy.”

  I matched his whisper. “It’s not really a secret that Brie cheats at dinner parties.”

  “Is it cheating?” he asked. “Or a sign of intelligence?”

  I laughed. “The latter probably. For how fast the boys eat, she’d be crazy to slave away.”

  “The boys? Don’t you think they’re a bit too old for you to call them that?”

  I shrugged. “Once you’ve seen a guy cry over a broken Tonka truck, it’s hard to take him seriously as a man.”

  His smile pulled to one side. “What about Quinn? I thought he and James were in college together.”

  “He’s a boy by association,” I said, smoothing his dark flannel shirt against his chest. “And by contrast.” I lifted my eyes to his. “Thanks again for coming tonight. I know it was a lot to ask.”

  “You don’t have to keep thanking me. I wanted to be here.”

  “Well, it means a lot.”

  “It’s a brave thing you’re doing, Maeve. And you’ll have to do most of it on your own.”

  I swallowed.

  “Least I can do is show up when you need me.”

  “I don’t need you,” I said too quickly, but as soon as the words left my mouth, my cheeks burned with embarrassment. What the hell was wrong with me? He was trying to be sweet, and I was letting my pride get in the way. “I just—”

  “Want me bad?” he joked, lifting his brows.

  I nodded, but inside, I felt like I’d chickened out. Would it be so terrible if I needed him? If he knew I needed him? Because the truth was, I sort of did. Not in a literal, burdensome way, but in some other way I didn’t know how to name.

  He ran his fingers along my jawline and then down my neck so gently it was torturous. “I want you, too,” he said, curling his fingers around the top of my shirt and pulling it open so he could peek down at my breasts.

  I rolled my eyes. “They’re still there.”

  “Just checking,” he said, taking a good long look before lifting his smiling face and pulling me close.

  “Are you dying to get out of here?” I asked, his proximity making more than my cheeks flush.

  “Let’s stay a while longer,” he said, avoiding the question. “It’s bad enough your family thinks I’m using you for sex. I’d hate for them to think I’m also the type who eats and runs.”

  I laughed. “I’m sure they don’t think the former. And even if they do, it’s true, isn’t it?”

  “Completely,” he said, wrapping his strong hand around mine as we turned towards the front room. “Every chance I get.”

  I bit back a smile.

  And right before we joined the others, he gave my hand a firm squeeze. But as good as it felt, it wasn’t enough. I needed more, needed him to squeeze me harder. Needed him to tear my heart out and do something with it. Anything.

  Anything would be better than feeling like he was just out of reach…

  Like he always would be.

  F O R T Y F O U R

  - Finn -

  I knew I shouldn’t let Brie’s words get under my skin, but it was too late. As I sat around with Maeve’s family, I couldn’t stop thinking about the questions she’d asked me.

  Did I love Maeve? I didn’t know. I didn’t not love her. I definitely liked her more than I’d ever liked a woman before, but did that mean it was love? I had to be certain. I wasn’t going to jerk her around when she was about to become a single mom.

  Then there was the kids thing, which was a whole other elephant. When Brie asked if I wanted them, it felt weird that Maeve answered for me. Then again, I suppose it would’ve been awkward for everyone if I said I did. Who knows? I was probably reading into it too much.

  After all, Maeve had been speaking her mind since the moment we met. If she wanted my sperm, she would’ve suggested it at some point. But that hadn’t happened. Instead, she asked me to look at countless donor profiles for guys who had more credentials than I had lyrics, which made her message loud and clear.

  She liked me. She trusted my judgment. But she didn’t think I was baby daddy material. And even if she did, I’d have to want kids for that to work, which I didn’t. At least, I didn’t think I did until I met her.

  But just because I liked the idea of Maeve being pregnant didn’t mean I liked the idea of me being a father. Sure, I could imagine it, I guess. Not that I’d ever tried before. So why now? Was it because I was afraid of losing her? Or was I actually in love?

  Maeve elbowed me gently where I was sitting beside her on the couch. “James asked you a question.”

  I lifted my eyes from the neglected Jenga pieces scattered across the coffee table to where James and Brie were sitting on two floating ottomans. One of them matched the grey couch and the other was an olive color that matched…absolutely nothing in the room that I could see.

  “Do you miss it?” he asked.

  “Miss what?”

  “The rocker lifestyle you used to live?” He rolled the sleeves of his thin sweater up, keeping his relaxed gaze on mine.

  Meanwhile, Quinn and Maddy perked up their ears in the armchair they were sharing to my right.

  “No,” I said, my mind a montage of the cringiest footage he could’ve found online. “Not at all.”

  “Not even a little?” Quinn chimed in.

  I shook my head. “Don’t get me wrong. I loved playing music and exploring new cities—when we actually had the time to do so—but I definitely don’t miss the lifestyle.” I thought that would suffice, but everyone leaned in like they were hoping for more.

  “Do you still write new stuff?” James asked.

  I shrugged. “If only to keep from losing the ability.”

  “Don’t be so modest,” Maeve said, nudging me again. “You’re always mixing in new stuff at the bar.”

  “That doesn’t mean it’s any good,” I said, considering how I might redirect the spotlight onto someone else. “Once people have a few drinks, they’re basically a captive audience.”

  “I’d love to come hear you play sometime,” Brie said, pulling her feet up to sit cross-legged. “I thought that one album you did with the black sand on the cover—”

  “Black Sand?” I said, feeling anything but smug.

  Her eyes lit up. “Yeah, that’s right. I thought that was a great album.”

  “Thanks,” I said, wondering if she was being genuine or simply looking for new ways to fuck with me. Not that I should care either way. Except I did. Because I cared about Maeve more than I was ready to admit, and I didn’t want her family thinking I was just another useless flake who couldn’t see what a fantastic catch she was.

  “He’s an incredible artist, too,” Maeve said, leaning into my shoulder. “You should see his sketches.”

  My insides cringed. Did she actually think her brother was going to be impressed by the fact that I’d gotten really good at drawing pictures of my dog?

  “I do some drawing myself,” James said, shooting Brie a look that made her blush.

  Maddy groaned. “You guys are disgusting.”

  “What?” James asked, taking obvious pleasure in terrorizing everyone…and in being the center of attention, which suited me fine.

  “You really are a brilliant artist,” Maeve whispered beside me.

  I draped my arm around her shoulder. “I can
’t believe Brie was almost sort of a fan.”

  Maeve smiled. “She’d be a fool not to be.”

  And for a moment, the sparkle in her eye made me think she was talking not just about my music, but about me. As a person. And it felt good. Really good. And it made me wish she could be mine for good.

  If only we had more time, I thought, my heart sinking. If only things were different.

  But there wasn’t more time, and things weren’t different. Worse, I knew what if only meant. If only was a phrase that haunted me my whole life, a phrase that always crossed my mind right before I blew it.

  If only.

  That’s where I always got stuck.

  F O R T Y F I V E

  - Maeve -

  I admired the roses on my coffee table, my eyes feasting on their deep red color. They were so perfect, so beautiful, so…unexpected.

  I knew I wanted to spend Valentine’s Day with Finn, but I hadn’t anticipated he’d go to any trouble. I figured I’d just swing by the bar, watch him play his set, and then go back to his for takeout and a cuddle with Otis. Nothing crazy. Nothing that screamed Be My Valentine?

  But that’s exactly what it said on the small white card that came with the roses, which he’d signed Xx Finn.

  It was such a sweet gesture, and, of course, the answer was yes. Too bad part of me wished I could be more than his Valentine, wished I could choose him. Choose us. Put this baby stuff on hold and see where our relationship went if I gave it room to breathe.

  Unfortunately, the other part of me wouldn’t even humor the thought. After all, I couldn’t afford to waste any more time if I wanted a family. Yes, my feelings for him were hard to ignore, but I’d wanted a baby for much longer than I’d wanted Finn. Plus, if I put off my dream again, I’d only grow to resent him, and then there’d be no hope for us at all.

  That’s why I took the earlier appointment when the clinic called. There was a cancellation at the beginning of next week, and I agreed to take it before I could chicken out since, as the old saying goes, the best time to plant a tree was yesterday and the second best time was asap.