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  “I’m at work.”

  “Even hotter.”

  “I bought two vials of frozen swimmers.”

  Silence.

  “You there?”

  “Yeah, I’m here. Wow. Big step.”

  “I know,” I said. “I feel a little crazy. Like it might calm me down to stick my finger in the nearest electric socket.”

  “Breathe.”

  “I’m trying,” I said.

  “Who’d you end up going with?”

  “The web designer from Boston.”

  “I see,” he said. “So not the soldier who plays guitar?”

  “No. I did like that he had musical aptitude, but I know a great guitar teacher who can get my kid strumming with the best of them.”

  He laughed. “I feel bad I didn’t help you make the final decision.”

  “You did help,” I said, deciding he’d be freaked out if I admitted I picked based on the picture that looked most like him. “You helped more than anyone. Really. I owe you big.”

  “You don’t owe me anything. As long as you’re happy with your decision, that’s reward enough for me.”

  “Thanks,” I said, beyond grateful for his support. “I am happy. Freaked out, but happy. Or at least, I will be. I don’t know. I feel a little all over the place at the minute.”

  “Breathe,” he said again. “Everything’s going to be fine.”

  F O R T Y

  - Finn -

  Hearing the joy in Maeve’s voice was bittersweet. I knew how much choosing a donor meant to her, but every step she took in that direction felt like a step she was taking away from me. And now she’d chosen one?

  It felt like the universe was punishing me for blowing her off this weekend.

  My eyes drifted to the front of the small cafe. On the other side of the glass, Max was pacing and talking to his agent, waving a cigarette in the air every time he wanted to make a point before hugging himself against the cold again.

  “I’m sorry I was MIA all weekend,” I said. “My brother came to town out of the blue.”

  “Your actual brother? The one you haven’t seen in years?”

  “I’ve seen him on TV a few times.”

  “You know what I mean,” she said. “Is he alright?”

  I sighed and glanced his way again, watching as he pinched the phone between his ear and shoulder so he could light another smoke. “Yes and no,” I said, scanning the tables around me to make sure everyone was minding their own business. “His marriage is in trouble, but he’s sober for the first time in a long time.”

  “Mmm.”

  “Claims he hasn’t had a drink since early October.”

  “Good for him.”

  “He’s doing the twelve-step program,” I said. “That’s why he came to visit. So he could apologize to me for…stuff.” I didn’t really want to get into the details, but I’d heard enough about her dad’s background as a gambling addict to know she’d understand.

  “That’s a big deal.”

  “Yeah. It’s not choosing a sperm donor or anything, but I guess on the scale of big deals, it’s pretty high up there.”

  “How long will he be in town?”

  “He’s leaving first thing tomorrow,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t ask to meet him. Last thing I needed was my wildcard brother telling her embarrassing stories about me when I’d already developed a complex from reading her elite donor profiles. “Which means I’ll be free to come to your brother’s thing, if you still want me there.”

  “Really?”

  “Unless you’ve decided you want to break the news to your family on your own, which I totally understand.”

  “No,” she said quickly. “I’d much rather you were there to… I don’t know. Just have my back?”

  “Sure.” Knowing I was the guy she wanted to lean on made my chest swell with pride. Almost made up for how difficult it was, all things considered.

  “I actually think it’ll be a fitting occasion to make the announcement, since I’m about to have my own little shadow.”

  I smiled, the image of a bossy little brunette appearing in my mind’s eye.

  “I’m so nervous to tell them. I’ve been talking about it for so long they probably think I’m the girl who cried wolf, you know?”

  “I sincerely doubt that,” I said, wishing she were there across from me. “I’m sure your family admires your integrity as much as I do.”

  “What a nice thing to say.”

  You make saying nice things easy.

  “It’s funny…how well I feel I know you when we only met recently.”

  “Does last year feel recent to you?” I joked. “I feel like I’ve done a lot of growing up since then.” Part of me was being facetious, but part of me meant it. I did feel I’d grown a lot. And much of that was down to Maeve. From her insights during our candid pillow talks to the effect her beauty had on my creativity, she’d changed me in subtle ways I could feel in my posture and in my heart.

  She laughed. “My siblings are going to love you.”

  Shame it’s not their love that interests me. “I am a pretty loveable guy,” I said. “But I’ll try and downplay it until we see how they react to your news. That way, if they take it badly, I can distract their focus by being a horrible date.”

  “You couldn’t be a horrible date if you tried.”

  “It pleases me that you think no evidence to the contrary exists.” Her bright laugh made my chest ache just as Max burst through the front door. “I better go. My brother’s just eaten half a pack of cigarettes, and if the look on his face is any indication, I need to be ready to listen fast.”

  “I’m sorry I won’t get to meet him,” she said. “Maybe another time.”

  The suggestion filled me with dread, but it was so unlikely it wasn’t worth mentioning. “See you Friday,” I said. “Looking forward to it.” I hung up as Max slid into the chair across from me, the smokey stench that clung to him assaulting me from across the table. “Everything okay?”

  “Not really,” he said. “The fact that my wife will take my agent’s calls and not mine makes me feel like I’m living in a fucking nanny state.”

  “Can I be honest?” I asked, searching his strained expression.

  “Go on.”

  “Whatever you’re dealing with right now, you’ve put everyone through a lot worse.”

  “Thanks for that.”

  “It’s the truth,” I said. “But keep working through it. The only way out is through.”

  He looked at me like he was trying to decide whether he should punch me in the face before dropping his eyes to his menu. “I know you’re right. It’s just harder than I thought.”

  “What is?”

  “Sobriety.”

  I laughed.

  He lifted his gaze. “That wasn’t meant to be a joke.”

  “It’ll get easier,” I said, biting back a smile. “And it’ll be worth it.”

  “Plus, the alternative is grim city.”

  “That, too.”

  “So what about you?” he asked, turning the plastic-covered pages of the diner menu until he got to the lunch specials. “You seeing someone these days? Otis brought me a present this morning that looked a lot like a shred of women’s underwear.”

  “Mmm.”

  “Talk to me,” he said. “I want to know what’s going on with you.”

  “No, you don’t. You want stories for daytime television.”

  “That’s not fair. I never tell the truth about you on TV.”

  I scoffed. “Fair point.”

  “Is it serious?”

  Tough question. “Define ‘serious.’”

  “Do you love her?”

  The questions stung like a sharp pinch. “That’s irrelevant. Even if I did, she’d never see me as more than a friend with benefits.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m the rebound guy, and she�
�s about to have some other man’s baby.”

  Max’s brows popped up. “Damn. That sucks.”

  “It’s what she wants,” I said. “And if she’s happy, I’m—”

  “Bullshit.”

  Heat curled up my neck. How dare he come here and call bullshit on me.

  “You forget I’m an addict.”

  “Trust me, if there’s one thing I’ll never forget—”

  He raised a palm to shut me up. “What I mean is, I’ve told more lies than anyone you know. So don’t waste your breath lying to me. Either you love her, and you’d raise the devil’s spawn if that’s what clawed its way out of her, or you don’t love her, and that’s why you’re satisfied with your pathetic rebound-guy sob story.”

  “It’s not a sob story.”

  He focused his clear eyes on mine. “Is the guy still in her life?”

  I shook my head. “Never has been.”

  “Well, he was for at least a minute and a half.”

  “She’s using a sperm donor.”

  “Why?” His head dove forward. “What’s wrong with your swimmers?”

  “Besides the fact that I don’t want kids?”

  He cocked his head like he wasn’t convinced.

  “I’m not ready.”

  “When’s that ever stopped you from trying something new?”

  “I haven’t known her that long, Max.”

  He leaned back in his chair and studied me. “Clearly, I don’t know enough about the situation.”

  “No shit.”

  “But I do know a bunch of excuses when I hear them.”

  “These are facts I’m telling you,” I said, my soft sweater suddenly scratching at me. “Not excuses.”

  “How far along is she? Just out of curiosity.”

  “She only bought the sperm today,” I said, feeling like an idiot for opening up to him. Then again, he was both my brother and in no position to judge. “She just told me on the phone.”

  He stared at me. “You’re not seriously going to let her go through with this, are you?”

  “There’s no letting involved. She’s not that kind of woman.”

  “Wow.”

  My irritation with his incredulousness was increasing by the minute.

  “Are you seriously so pussy whipped you can’t see what a disaster this is?”

  “It’s not a disaster at all. She’s a beautiful woman. She’s going to be a beautiful mom. She’s wanted to have a baby for years, and it’s finally going to happen for her.”

  “Yeah, but where the fuck does that leave you?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Right where I left off? Right where I am?”

  “Finn.” His probing eyes scoured mine. “Don’t you think there’s a bit of a conflict of interest here?”

  “The thought’s crossed my mind.”

  “Okay then,” he said, smacking the table. “Good.”

  I blinked at him. What was good about this? Literally nothing had been resolved.

  “Admitting you have a problem is the first step.”

  F O R T Y O N E

  - Maeve -

  “Anyone want the last twice-baked potato?” Brie asked, holding the plate up and glancing at Finn first.

  He raised a palm to pass on the offer.

  “Counts as helping to clean up?” she said, her eyes bouncing between James and Quinn.

  “In that case—” Quinn reached across the table and took the plate. “Don’t mind if I do.”

  “That was delicious,” James said, smiling at Brie. “Did I say that already?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Once or twice.

  “Anyone know any good Groundhog Day jokes?” Maddy asked, her eyes sparkling. “I keep hearing the same ones over and over.”

  Everyone groaned in unison, and half the guests reached for their drinks.

  I knew there was no time like the present to break my big news, but the mood had been so jovial all night I was nervous everyone would be blindsided. Unfortunately, if I waited any longer, people were going to start clearing the table and slipping into food comas.

  Finn must’ve sensed my anxiety because he reached over and took my clammy hand in his before I had a chance to tear the cloth napkin I was wringing.

  I looked at him appreciatively, and he squeezed my hand before offering me a subtle nod. Or at least, I thought it was subtle… Until I realized everyone in the room was staring at us. “I have an announcement,” I said, my voice cracking.

  Everyone stilled. Except Quinn, who stuffed the last bite of potato in his mouth while I cleared my throat.

  Finn let go of my hand, and I straightened up. “I’ve finally chosen a donor,” I blurted, too nervous to focus on anyone’s face. I did see James’s eyes flick towards Finn, though, so I figured I better continue before people jumped to the wrong conclusion. “He’s a blue-eyed web designer from Boston who enjoys nature and athletics.”

  “Oh!” Maddy clapped her hands together. “I was hoping you’d pick him!”

  “His swimmers are currently en route to the clinic, and assuming everything goes according to plan, I’ll be pregnant by this time next month.”

  “Holy shit,” James mumbled.

  “Congratulations,” Brie said, jumping up to raise her glass.

  Quinn shot James a cheeky look. “May the war of the funcles begin.”

  “Congratulations, Maeve.” Maddy’s loving eyes warmed me from across the room. “You’re going to be the best mom ever.”

  “I’ll cheers to that,” Finn said, setting a hand across my lower back and grounding me right when I thought I’d burst.

  “Thanks, guys,” I said, suddenly a bit choked up. “There’s no way I’d be able to do this without your support.”

  “You can do anything,” James said, locking his eyes on mine.

  Finn hugged me against his side, and I turned to embrace him fully, burying my watering eyes in the crook of his neck.

  “You okay?” he asked, straightening his arms and dipping his head to meet mine.

  “Yeah,” I said, swiping a tear from my cheek. “I’m fine. It’s just…delayed stress reaction.”

  His eyes smiled before he pulled me back into his strong arms.

  It was exactly what I needed him to do, but I hated how vulnerable that made me feel. I wasn’t used to being the emotional one in the room, and I found it embarrassing. God help me when my body invariably started setting off hormones like fireworks.

  Not that I felt embarrassed in front of Finn. His arms were like a safety net, an affectionate place I knew I could land without judgment. But I couldn’t keep relying on him this way. It was asking too much. He was a happy bachelor at the end of the day, and I couldn’t expect him to keep me on as his single mom friend. That said, I wasn’t about to pull away from his embrace when I didn’t know how many more of them were in my future.

  And when I felt a set of arms wrap around me from behind and then both sides, and then the force of another pair, I knew I was doing the right thing. Because no baby would ever be luckier than the one I was about to bring into the world. No family could ever love a baby more than mine could. Between my sister and my stepsister and the warring funcles, I wouldn’t be raising this baby alone.

  And then there was Finn, who was equally trapped in the monster hug as if he was at the center of this, too. And part of me wished he was. Wished he could be. But I wouldn’t ask that of him when he’d already done more than I could ever thank him for.

  “Okay, guys,” he said finally. “Let’s not crush the mom-to-be over the happy news.”

  I laughed, my vision blurred from happy tears. “Yeah, wouldn’t want this food baby to come early.”

  Everyone laughed, shuffled back, and began arguing over who was going to do the dishes.

  Meanwhile, I looked into Finn’s smiling eyes and mouthed the words “thank you.”

  He squeezed my hands and leaned
forward to whisper in my ear. “You did good.”

  When he stepped back again, I was smiling so hard my face hurt. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

  “Daniel’s a lucky guy,” he said, his bright eyes darkening as he swallowed hard.

  There was something about the way his voice faltered that bothered me. Like the words almost got caught in his throat. Like he wanted to mean them but didn’t. I don’t know. I’d never question his sincerity, but—

  “I’m going to help Brie with the dishes,” he said, letting go of my hands. “Take some time with your family.”

  I glanced at the table and saw the guys had already cleared it and brought fresh drinks for those in need. “You sure?”

  He nodded and took a slow step back, looking at me like he was taking a picture with his mind.

  “What?” I asked, sensing there was something he wasn’t saying, something that was making him bite his tongue. I could feel it in my bones.

  “You’re glowing,” he said finally. “Ahead of schedule.”

  I smiled until he disappeared around the corner, dreading the day he’d walk away for good

  F O R T Y T W O

  - Finn -

  I exhaled as soon as I reached the kitchen, my face relaxing for the first time since I arrived. Not that my insides matched. I was downright nauseous until the moment Maeve made her big announcement, and though it had been well received, I somehow felt worse than ever.

  “Why don’t you let me do that,” I said, plastering a smile on my face again as I went to help Brie with the dishes.

  She glanced over her shoulder, keeping her dripping hands over the sink. “Don’t be silly,” she said, rinsing another plate and loading it in the dishwasher. “Go back in there.”

  “You shouldn’t have to clean up after making such a nice meal.”

  She lowered her voice. “I bought most of it.”

  My brows lifted. “Really?” Her presentation looked so authentically homemade. “Fooled me.”

  “Keep my secret?” she asked, looking up at me hopefully.

  She was short. Shorter than Maddy even. But there was something spunky about her. Like she’d be the first to throw a punch if one of the people next door got caught in a brawl.